Lindsey honours Trevor in traditions new and old.

In this blog, Lindsey shares how her family remembers her late husband, Trevor, by interweaving his memory into new and existing family traditions.  

One of the ways Trevor was honoured was by buying a teddy candle holder (in memory of his nickname Daddy Bear) that the family could light on the table during Christmas lunch.  

Another was by keeping their family tradition of watching the Doctor Who Christmas special.  

In the early days of Trevor’s passing, new traditions were created including going for a concert at Christmas Eve, trying skiing adventures with Widowed and Young and one year even going out for Christmas lunch for a change of scenery. 

Dave has come to accept that this season will be bittersweet.

For Dave, coping with Christmas meant coming to terms with the fact that it was, and always will be, a season of joy and deep sadness. He reflects more on this feeling in this blog.

There is so much pressure to try to create ‘the perfect Christmas’, one that doesn’t make space for sadness. Each family builds up its own traditions and it’s hard to know which ones to keep when you’ve lost someone.  

The Christmas story celebrates the birth of Jesus but it also tells a bleaker story of King Herod and the death of many infants and toddlers. Even at the heart of Christmas there are bereaved parents, siblings and grandparents.

For those of us with an empty space at the table, perhaps there is some comfort in knowing that when you strip away the tinsel and fluff, a light shines in a dark world, a glimmer of hope exists for the hopeless and comfort is here for those mourning.  

Jane suggests including your lost loved one in conversations.

After losing her son in 2003, Jane reflects on how New Years Eve took her by surprise in this blog. To her, entering another year felt like she was leaving Ben behind. 

The start of another year seems to be a transition moment.

People make resolutions of change – deciding to leave the past behind and look forward instead. This is so hard for the bereaved because as Jane put it, ‘We don’t want change; we want back what we had.’  

So how do we take our loved ones with us into a new year? Everyone will do this differently, but one way is continuing to talk about them and include them in conversations.  

Jane found that Ben lived on for them when they were able to include him in the casual, natural moments of life.   

However this winter season lands for you, we hope you are able to remember your loved ones in a way that works for you and your family. 

Here are some other resources you may find helpful:

Bereavement Care Awareness Training

This training aims to equip churches to support bereaved people in their church or wider community. It is for anyone who has a heart for supporting those grieving, as well as church leaders and pastoral care team workers. Find out more.

•  15 ideas to combat loneliness and isolation – from our bereavement befrienders
  
  
• Coping with grief in the wintertime – an article by Jill S. Cohen, Grief Counsellor 
  
  
• BAS online support day – 25 January 2025
  
  
• Subscribe to our Bereaved Parent Support newsletter
  
  
• Subscribe to our Widowed Young Support newsletter
  
  
• Find out more on how to support those grieving in your community, family and friendship groups

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